hismasterpiece | 5. FEAST

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creepy so creepy

5. FEAST

[Voice]

Hallo, pretty New Feathers! I am hosting a feast. A feast by the lake to the West.

[Not the southern lake -- she needs to keep certain peoples' attention away from the lonely house she inhabits there.]

You are all invited! I have prepared something for you. It tastes of mint and chicory and iron! Yarrow and tansy! It will make you stronger.

Come.

[/Voice]

[Action]

Drusilla will be stalking about the woods as usual, eager to assist anyone who HASN'T heeded her invitation.

There is a cage waiting there, hidden under the trees. It is large enough to house a full-grown adult human.

It tastes of mint and iron.

[/Action]

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"Thaaaat's... great for you. Really."

Crazy vampires. Yeesh.

"I'm a little more concerned with you throwing parties for the New Feathers. These parties, they don't involve you feeding on said New Feathers, do they?"

"No, dearest. They do not."

They involve PLAYING with the New Feathers first, Harry. Duh.

"I've missed you."

I didn't know which was more infuriating, the fact that she kept derailing the subject like that, or the fact that she might be completely serious.

"... I'm flattered, really. So you're not going to hurt any New Feathers."

"I am going to hurt them slowly, one by one. He loves me, he loves me not -- pluck pluck pluck!"

She was completely sincere about missing him, really. Her loneliness was almost unbearable.

"Harry?"

Edited 2012-09-14 16:48 (UTC)

"Okay, is there any way I could talk you out of hurting them?"

Because I really did not feel like rounding up the posse on her today, I tell you what.

"Make love to me on the shore of the lake, beneath the willow.

Or in her branches.

I shall bring the pink feather pillows and the shepherdess costume."

She might reconsider in that event, really. You're just so deliciously tall, Harry.

Oh, holy hell's freaking bells. This conversation just kept getting creepier.

"Okay, any suggestions that are PG-rated?"

"Harry." That was a clear pout, that was. "Parentally guided? I could cover your eyes if you wished."

Okay, Harry. Restrain the urge to beat your head against something. Crazy vampire. Keep her distracted.

"Maybe we should just go with a movie or something. A nice, family-friendly movie. May contain some strong language and cartoon violence?"

I wasn't sure if I could muster up the ingredients for a vampire-proof trap, but I'd come up with something. And just in case things got hairy, I had an escape potion on hand- and had recently acquired a cross.

Was he....was this a date? The last date Drusilla had been on had been with Spike. They'd killed so many that evening.

And now lovely tall delicious-smelling Harry wanted to bring her out?

Spike would not be pleased. That tickled her.

"Could the movie have a rabbit in it?"

That was as good as a yes.

Hell's bells.

"Look, I'm not fussed about what the movie has in it, as long as it doesn't have any dead or injured New Feathers. Deal?"

"Deal. Shall I pop some weasels?"

"I'm actually good for weasels, Drusilla. I'm more of a Coca Cola guy?"

... I was plotting drinks for a movie date with a vampire I intended to capture.

What is my life.

"It will be like the old days, then! But with fewer crawling earwigs. I shall bring wine, and we will split the difference.

Where will you have me, Harry?"

Well, that did pose an interesting question.

My place was out. For one thing, it would mean inviting her in, which I had gone to a lot of trouble to undo. (Actually, I hadn't, but the person who had would probably slap me upside the head. Not that I think she could reach my head, but still.) For another, I... didn't have a TV.

It's not that I'm a luddite. I don't hate technology. It just hates me.

"The Rec Center. I'll bring the movies, you bring the wine, we'll make an evening out of it."

Of course, I'd also bring the crosses, bibles, and my staff, amulet, and duster. Plus one of those nifty demon-binding scrolls if Rei could spare it. And some rope. Lots of rope.

Chains would be better.

"Til then, darling -- adieu."

There. That was proper French, that was. Mother would purse her tart lips in approval.

Later Harry would find a slender white person waiting for him outside the Rec Center. A basket is draped over one arm.

It had taken the better part of the day to prepare that damn room, but I felt fairly satisfied it was a fool-proof, multitiered vampire trap just waiting to happen, and the best part was, it was mostly innocent-looking. At first glance, one might not even notice the faint circles in the floor, drawn in with water-soluble paint as close to the original color as I could find. In the dark, in TV lighting, barely noticeable. The crosses hung from the windows, but the door was unobstructed- I'd put another there after I'd let her inside. Pages from the bible, too, on the outsides of the windows, in case she got through. A supply of good, solid rope tucked away along with my staff, within easy reach. The chairs as sturdy of iron as I could find. And on my person, an escape potion, an extra cross, a flask of water from Rei's shrine, and a binding scroll she had helped me to make.

I hoped I wouldn't need to use any of these things- hoped, too, that the abundance of holy relics on the far wall wouldn't scare her off before I could get her in the room, but you don't survive a war with the Red Court for over a decade on hope. You do it on paranoia.

And, of course, the main feature. An old tube-style TV and a VCR- I didn't trust the flat-screen and the DVD player not to go wonky on me as soon as I turned it on- and a few choice VHS tapes. I had no idea what she'd like, so I opted for old B-horror movies.

She seemed like the type.

I spotted her just outside the building and approached her, keeping a hand firmly on the cross in my pocket.

"Oh, good, you're here. Come on in, I've already set up."

Force a smile and act friendly. Think sociable, not-trapping-people thoughts.

"I've brought the head of a goat!" She smiled and held up a red-dripping bag. It seemed like the thing to do at the time.

"And wine. And -- oh, Harry. You look beautiful."

Air kisses -- air kisses. Something was certainly amiss in the rec center but Dru was chalking it up to the fact that the place was run by the brightest and best of Luceti's heroes. She rather liked sullying it.

"... Thanks, I'm on this no-dismembered-heads diet lately."

Okay, even at their creepiest, none of the evil seductive sorts who I'd encountered had ever hit on me and offered me goat heads in the same breath.

Or, well, not breath, in her case...

"Anyway, shall we?"

And with that, I held open the door and gestured her inside. Hey, she was a psychotic bloodthirsty monster, but she was still a lady.

Plus, holding the door made it easier to hide the additional bible pages I'd fixed to the outside of the door.

Drusilla swanned in, leaving a patter-patter of goat blood behind her. It would be lovely drizzled over popcorn.

"It smells funny in here. Like larks."

Oh -- there was the television! Spike had always rather liked television. Drusilla had always been rather nervous that she would get sucked inside it.

"Will we cuddle close?"

Oh, for the love of-

Luckily, I had a pack of kleenex in my duster pocket, which I quickly put to use cleaning up the goat blood.

This was turning into a bizarre, bizarre evening.

"Well, actually, I couldn't find any couches, just armchairs, so that would be a little difficult."

And this way she was less likely to be bothered by the holy water I was periodically applying to my neck and hands. See? Win-win. I'm nothing if not a sensitive date.

"But that's even better, my darling!" Dru happily bounced into one of the chairs -- gracefully, though. Like a swan bouncing somewhere.

"Come. Sit on my lap."

She was not serious.

... She was. She was entirely serious. Hells Bells, I was starting to think I should just let her eat the New Feathers.

"As tempting an offer as that is," which was not very, but she didn't need to know that, "I dunno if that'd really be a good idea. I'm kinda... tall. You wouldn't be able to see the screen."

"But then I could thrum out a tune on the bars of your spine. Tinky-tinky-tink! The spine makes a lovely melodious piano when played by the right waif."

She was mostly teasing, there. Drusilla patted her knees and opened her arms to him.

"Come! Feed me the popped corn!"

The goat's head bag lay on the floor beside the chair, forgotten for the present.

"Yeah, if I'm ever in dire need of an instrument, I'll keep it in mind." Maybe if I studiously ignored all the over-the-top flirting she'd ease up?

Yeah, and maybe I'd learn to shoot lasers out of my eyes by glaring really hard. I passed her the popcorn, turned on the TV- I'd already muted it, in anticipation of the impending mess of static- and began fiddling with the old VCR.

Damn thing was almost thirty years out of date and it still didn't want to work for me. And I was on what was, to all outward appearances, a date with a vampire. A vampire who either wanted to kill me, jump me, or turn me into another vampire, if not all of the above. My life sucks sometimes.

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